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Sunday, July 10, 2011

It's not easy to be me...

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive I'm just out to find 
The better part of me I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
 It's not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees 
Find a way to lie 'bout a home I'll never see 
It may sound absurd
but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed
but won't you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream It's not easy to be me 
Up, up and away 
away from me 
Well it's all right
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

Opening song for my long long story....

Hye allz....Can't believe it...It had been 6 months since I last updated this 'dusty' blog...From a teenage girl to someone's wife...Time goes by...What it's really like to get older...To leave all the pasts....To move on become someone else...To keep your desire behind your dream...To be a good 'actress' in everything you do...To fight between what you want and what you can't....Hmm....It's totally not as easy as it seems to be....

Let me just start with my life as someone's wife....Not easy...Few rules that i am still questioning and will fight till one of us tired and surrender...I am totally missing my teenage life...I wonder why i can't wear skirts...why we can't hang out like what we did when we are not yet married...why i had to obey to everything he said...why this and why that...the answer???everyone knows...and i knew it too...but i just cant accept the truth...He's 5 years older..he had gone through the enjoying life 5 years extra than me...so can i just get another 5 years to do just what i want?...Pity myself...I had chosen this path and now i'm telling the whole world bout the bad 'me'...When everyone was talking bout Jimmy Shanley's marriage life...I'm sure that my husband is having the same hard time...Luckily i'm a one kind of 'family' person....I wont do anything that will hurt my family... Well...This is all about me...My story and my heart's voices which cant be heard by anyone but can be read by the entire 'internet' people...Luckily not my parents...One note from my dad to my husband on my wedding day..."Noi tu degil...Buatla ape yang patut...."~~~lalalalalala~~~

To fight with him over the clothes that i'm wearing doesn't mean that i hate him...Ever heard of 'fighting means you care'???I think we fought because he cares a lot....i had to admit that...but..but...but....no more but...i will always have thousands of buts when it comes to rules that i'm just not into it....So...i will say that i love him...and i'll love him more if there are no rules....huhuhuh....

okay...that's it bout my 'wife' life...career?i just can't stop loving my job...i dunno y....i can say that this is the best environment of working that everyone should have....i love numbers which i dun even care what time i come in to work or what time i go back....i love talking over the phone...and i even fell in love with the voices of my traders...hahahah....i love everything...colleagues...bosses...the cafes...the food...or even the free 'carbonated drink' machine which cause my gastric i think....but well...life wont be that straight...i had an interview next week for government position...choose the best path...but who knows which one is the best?...hmmmm....

Next...what else...health?Not really good...Just admitted for gastritis...Now the pain had moved to the right side...Please doc...dont tell me it's appendicitis...It's enough for the gastric pain....I just wanna my healthy life back...i had been fasting coke for times...my throat cries every time i see that 'red' can....if only i can have that 1.5L now...damn...i really want coke badly!!!!Can someone create a plain water taste like coke?huhuhu....

Well guys...that's it...i'm done for now...not sure if there is anything else i should say it here...for the time being...nothing...i am 99% relieved....huhuhuh....some thing you cant shout it out...but you can whisper through your heart...is it bad to tell others bout your 'bad'ness?i dont think so...at least i'm sure that someone will just agreed with what i'm saying...not the 'good' people of course....last but not least...my wedding pics as a thought and motivation for me as wife....have a nice day...just pray that my husband wont kill me tonite for writing this blog...huhuhuh...notes for my husband (in case he read this) ---> i love you dear...but i love my clothes too...i just cant leave them in the closet...both of us knew the hard life we had gone through before getting married and up till now...so please help me out of this stress and bring me to somewhere which you had made me proud of being your partner before....do not made my skirts as a key to fight...just let me have the fun...i need the bowling...the movies...the nite life...and all the things we had done before...marriage is not an event to stop everything...it's a start for the love to bloom...it's a beginning of the story...and you can be the director...i am pleasure to be the actress....love you more that you love me....xoxo....