Nota untuk tunang tersayang.....

HAPPY ONE MONTH OF BEING MY FIANCE sayang.....

Macam mane dlm byk2 tarikh yang i ingat i bley terlupe tarikh hari ni....isk2...byk sgt mkn aji no moto...i mntk maaf syg..tak bermaksud utk xmengingati...thanks for wishing me first...u pn lpe gk senanye kn...da ptg bru teringt...heheheheh...so whats our plan for tonite?hmmmm...thinking of cooking something special for ya...tp ape ek y lain dr lain sikit..stiap mlm mkn nasi....nk msk spagetti tkut u xberape gemar..nnt u mkn main2...so better not...i msk nasi ag puas ati sbb dpt tgk pinggan u licin as if i xletak nasi pn kt pinggan u....huhuhuhuhu....

a short review for this date...10-10-11...genap sebulan kite bertunang...gmbr tunang still blm print... huhuhuhuh... ape2 pn..i bhagie idup dgn u....smoge hubungan kite kekal slamenye....another 7 months sblm bergelar pasangan suami isteri...i think we should focus on our financial...which is bekerja dgn lebih keras utk dapatkn kehidupan yang lebih mantap...hehehehehh...money is not everything...but everything need money...u pn tawkn ape y ley wt kte bhgie...its all about the $$$$$....same2 kite memajukan dri k....i akn cube crk keje len dgn gji y lebih tggi...n i hope u can sacrifice a lil bit of ur effort to gain something...i luv u a lot...i knew that u luv me more than i luv u...but that is how i trained myself..not to luv u that much...sbb tkut dikecewakan kelak...

another 10mins sebelum i blk...i rse da xde bnd nk ckp...xde bnd y i xpuas ati...xde bnd y i nk complain...treat me as i'm a queen...n i'll make sure u will b my king....luv me till eternity...n i wont forget u forever until i mati....hheheheheh...pndai gk i wt pntun bhase inggeris kn syg...huhuhuhuh....k lah syg...nk chow..smpai bertemu sebentar lagi...xoxo....

naluri remaja ku terganggu....

not a really good day for me....mlm td mimpi nth pape lps tgk ilmu alam ghaib kt tv3...bgn pg kol 7..terlepas smyg subuh...xsmpt wt bfast utk nenek...g keje hmpir terlanggar moto...bukan slh aku pn...moto tu y bute...xnmpk aku bg signal...klo aku bwk kete buruk mmg aku lggr jek...nk hon2 nk pndg2 lak...nsb aku bwk kete makcik aku...so knela berhemah...kete org...amanat org...xley nk wt sukati...mne g kete aku?tunang aku pnjm sbb road tax kete die mati...n road tax die xley nk idupkn sbb saman y byk blm disettlekn...knp xbyr smn?bkn sbb wet...tp sbb die skt gg yang teramat smpai nk pecah pale katenye...aku xpnh rse so aku tataw sktnye cmne...da 2 ari die mkn pain killer n tdo jek...n 2 ari la aku rse cm xde tunang...tpon pn xley ckp sbb skt..soh dtg anta kete pn xley sbb die ckp nnt bergegar kete gg skt...nthla...kdg2 aku tatawla nk rse bersyukur ke x sbb aku xpnh skt...bkn nk ckp besa...bkn nk berlagak...bkn nk mntk bala...ataw bkn nk mnte pnyakit...tp slme ni...aku tgk cmne tunang aku kne denggi...smpai msuk ospital...jtuh toilet smpai xley jln...mcm2...n skrg die skt gg smpai xley ckp....aku xpnh rse sume tu...xbf aku pn sme...kjp2 pening...kjp2 demam...mmg sume llaki mudah skt ker??aku ttw cmne rse dimanjekan ble skt...aku ttw skt tu btol2 skt atw skt y still ley ditahan...or whateverla...plg truk aku pnh rse cume senggugut...skt mmg skt tp kjp jek...dmm terakhir aku kene 2taun lps...demam pns tp time tu skandal aku y jage aku...ksmpulannye..org y aku syg xpnh ade kesempatan utk jge aku mse skt...tp sehari jek...xde smpai berhari2...org kate klo kite skt mksudnye tuhan nk hapuskn dose kte..abis klo aku xpnh skt?mksudnye dose aku xpnh terhapus??ataw aku xlayak dimanjekan wktu skt??sbb tu aku xpnh skt??nthla...

aku pnh ckp pd dri aku sndri...pas tunang aku akn berubah...jdk perempuan y baik utk die...tp mkin aku cube berubah...makin jiwe aku skt...ati xtenteram sbb jdk baik...klo dlu aku jrg date ngn tuhan...tp smnjk aku dok uma makcik aku...aku selalu date ngn 'die'..kdg2 ade gk termalas...tp aku still wt...kt tmpt kje ade umat y ckp...xpkai tudung tp smyg...tp aku xksh...klo pkai skirt pn aku smyg jek...segan ke ape ke blkg cte...y pntg aku smyg xde spe y suruh...mslhnye...da smyg pn ati still xtng sbb jdk baik...jiwe memberontak...mgkin sbb xkhusyuk..mgkn sbb tuhan xtrime smyg aku...aku pn xde jwpn utk soklan tu...y pntg aku xbley jdk bek...aku xreti nk berbudi bhse bile berkate2...aku xreti nk bersyukur ngn ape y ade...aku sntiase nk lebih dlm ape jek bnd y aku dpt...n skrg ni aku memberontak sbb aku nk kua melepak....ikut plan asal this week mmg aku nk spend time kt shah alam...nk dok hakim puas2...tatap muke mamak y wt nan tandoori tuh...amk angin kt dataran...abiskn mse mngingati saat2 time kt universiti...aku cume perlukan satu mggu jek...this one whole week...sbb pasni aku da kua dr uma sewe..da xde uma sewe...da xley kua mlm..da xley hangout smpai 2-3 pg lpk kt hakim or mcD...sume bnd aku da xley wt...tp disebabkn tunang aku skt gg...sume bnd xjdk..tuhan nk uji aku ataw nk slmt kn aku?tuhan nk seksa aku untuk jdk baik ataw tuhan nk elakkn aku dr dpt dose sbb wt bnd xberfaedah??

sume soklan y bermain kt otak aku...hny tuhan y tahu...aku stress...ni nsb bekla xde kdt..klo x mst da berperang lagi ngn tunang aku...nsb bek hape...sbb nsb xbekla xde kdt...bil tpon da 2 bln xbyr...prepaid pn xtopup...bkn nsb baik nmenye...nsb xbaik adela...tunang aku ni pn satu...die mrh aku sms die byk kli mntk kete...klo ari tu die bg kete aku b4 die skt gg xdela aku cmni...aku cm separuh gle thn kemaruk nk g shah alam..xdela ape sgt kt shah alam tu...tp klo stkt lepak tgh mlm swg2 tgk lmpu xde hal la kn...klo kt uma mkcik aku tuh..bkn nmpk lmpu..tkut nmpk bnd len plk...nak2 uma ats bukit...haish....mntk dijauhkn...bkn ape..aku byk ag bnd nk settle kt shah alam...da nk ujung bln...brg xabs angkt ag...wiken da sbuk nk wt kje len..pphmla kn...xkn aku nk bwk kete mkcik aku parking kt shah alam y x berbumbung tuh...klo kete aku xpe gk...tula..ssh ble ade mslh komunikasi cmni...nk ckp dlm tpon xley sbb die xley ckp...bile sms rse xpuas sbb care msg tu dibace xsame nada klo ckp direct...hmmm...

aku ni mampu ke jdk tunang y baik?mampu ke jdk bini y baik?y taat?kdg2 aku rse aku da terlebih bersedie utk kawen...tp ade mse aku rse cm aku blm layak untuk ade suami...pas kwen bley ke lpk2?pas kwen bley kua tgk wyg ngn kwn2?jwpn y aku rse mmg sume owg pn da taw...NO...mne bley...ckp nk jdk bini y baik...knela kua ngn laki jek...tp...............hmmmm....pas tunang ni byk perubahan dlm hubungn kitorang...da xtgk wyg...xmen boling...bkn slh spe2...ni sume dugaan...aku kne pndh...da xdok shah alam...die plak acek ade mslh kwngn...klo dlu...mlm2 aku indah jek dgn xtvt2 y ley wt aku blk uma n xpk pape trus tdo...happy sgt n keletihan smpai nek ktil pn xsmpt pk pape trus tdo..menanti mlm esok y tibe...pegi kuliah just utk mngisi wktu siang...blk kls da bersiap sdie utk have fun...ckp jek cte ape kt wyg y aku xtgk...klo ade pn mb cte tu mmg kompem xbes ataw kitorg terlupe nk tgk..even cite sebodoh cte jalang tu pn kitorang tgk gk...tp tu sume dlu...aku da kehilangn sume tu...bola boling pn da bley bg adk aku pnjm..klo dlu jgn hrpla aku nk bg sbb tu xtvt wjb stiap mlm....skrg ni rse cm ley wt perhiasan jek kot bola tuh....gosh...i'm 22 ok...i'm a teenager...i want my life back...spe y nk bg?xde org y ley bg..sbb aku da wt keputusan utk mlgkh satu tapak kehadapan dlm mnjalinkn ikatan rasmi sbg tunang org...hmmm...aku xksh senanye da bertunang...cume aku stress sbb xdpt kua cm dlu...idup aku da ade rules n regulations...xbley kua mlm...wet pn satu hal...beg duit acek kering jek...nk kua jek kne pk nk save wet utk kwen...perlu ke???bpe sgtla y ley saving klo xkua pn...so...aku sndri da wt ksmpulan...aku stress sbb dri aku sndri...sume slp aku...aku slh sbb mnjekn dri aku dgn sume kebahagiaan...bile tibe saat kebosanan cmni aku rse sesak...skt dade cm nk mati...ttwla nk ckp cmne....

berdose ke aku post bnd cmni?slh ke aku cte mslh emosi y mengganggu dri aku?hopefully tunang aku xmrhla...die da pesan..jgn cte mslh peribadi kt org...tp aku nk cte kt spe lagi...aku xde kwn..xde spe2...xkn blk uma nk cte kt nenek...stress sbb xdpt kua mlm...mmgla nenek xksh...tp jiwe xsame...nenek tny knp aku xnk pkai tudung...pkai tudung ag cntik....knp ek?aku diam jek sbb aku pn xtaw nk jwb ape...ari ni aku pkai skirt g kje...nenek tgk jek...aku slm nenek smbil doa dlm ati...jgn la nenek bersuare...mmg btul..nenek xckp pape...tp stil rse berslh...hmmm..nthla..aku pn ttw aku ni baik ke jht...aku taw sume baik buruk bnd y aku wt...tp aku still plih jln y slh...aku xpuas nk merase sume bnd...esok da tua xbley pkai skirt...xbley nk melaram...tp nikmat tuhan sekejap jek kn...sempat ke nk tua?hmmm....

aku rse cukupla skdr ni jek luahan ati aku...kepade tunang y tersyg..i mntk mntk maaf wt syg cmni...i mntk maaf sbb post psl kite...i mntk maaf sbb xmmahami kesakitan gg u...i mntk maaf sbb i mntk kete byk kli...i mntk maaf sbb i mrh2 u dlm tpon...i xphm n xdgr u ckp ape...dhla i pkai prepaid...kedit kjp jek abis...i mntk maaf utk sume bnd...sume slh i n u xbersalah lgsg...smoge u cpt smbuh...i cume nk ingtkn u...abis jek mggu ni...u xkn dpt mnikmati saat indah hangout dgn i mlm2 ag...idup kite hny ade siang...nk kua ngn i pn just wktu siang...we wont have any night moment....no more liveband..no more bb walk...no more anything y babitkn wktu mlm...smpaila kte kwen...i thought of spending one whole week with u...but we have wasted this week doing nothing...i xley nk slhkn u...bkn u mntk gg u sktkn...so what can i say..nothing...hopefully pasni u dptla fokus pd kerja u...xde gangguan dr i...mlm u indah xberteman...wet u selamat n jimat...smpai bertemu jodoh kite ke pelamin...slmt mnikmati kehidupan bujang kembali...8months to go...smoge u bhgie...next wik i ade interview kt astro...hopefully dpt...gji besa dr company ni...so dptla i kumpul wet...bkn utk kwen...tp utk bli lptop..nk men gem mlm2 utk ilangkn bosan...huhuhuhuh...adios...xoxo....

my story album....10.10.10....

hye everyone...another new entry with the same binary number...101010....still not tired with this date...here is the new post of my engagement day....actually i never realized that i can edit pictures and create my engagement day story album...even though it is not so nice...but at least i can do it with my own effort....have fun scrolling down viewing my pics...after this i think i can make money with my skills...no need hdr or any other software...photoshop is enough....hahahahhaha....xoxo....

HARI RAYA HAJI....

KUIH BANGKIT

BIL	JENIS KUIH	QTY(PCS)	HARGA(RM)
1.	Bangkit Kelapa
	a)Botol besar	100	18.00
	b)Botol sederhana	60	14.00
	c)Bekas bulat	50	13.00
	d)Botol kecil	40	12.00
2.	Bangkit Kacang Hijau
	a)Botol besar	120	20.00
	b)Botol sederhana	70	15.00
	c)Botol kecil	40	12.00
3.	Bangkit Bijan
	a)Botol besar	120	20.00
	b)Botol sederhana	60	14.00
	c)Botol kecil	40	12.00
4.	Bangkit Nestum
	a)Botol sederhana	60	14.00
	b)Botol kecil	40	12.00
5.	Bangkit Sagun
	a)Botol sederhana	60	14.00
	b)Botol kecil	40	12.00
6.	Bangkit Keladi
	a)Botol sederhana	60	14.00
	b)Botol kecil	40	12.00

7.	Bangkit Durian
	a)Botol sederhana	60	14.00
	b)Botol kecil	40	12.00

my engagement day...10.10.10....

salam.....

20.10.2010...another nice date to be remembered...even though no special event on this date...i prefer to post the memory of my engagement day...have fun watching all my pics...huhuhuh...

i think this crazy date of 10.10.10 had filled in most of my blog entries...uhuhuuhu..a big date which is not just for me...for sheikh muzaffar..the actor aqasha... and many more people out there who really want to easily memorize their important event...well...who cares...i got that date...and that's it...i got engaged on that day...i'm happy and 10.10.10 will always be an important date for me...

a perfect day for me...everything is perfect...i'm just too happy on that day..it was actually planned to be just a small event but it turned out to be one of the moment that i wont forget for the rest of my life...it was great....thanks to everyone that involved on that day...my mom and dad...my relatives and everyone that attend on that day....2pm until 10pm...so many people came and they congratulated me as if i got married...hahahahha....but i'm happy with it...thanks to ziana dmuar for the andaman pakej n abg zan who sponsored the fresh flower for my pelamin...it looks grand and i just luv it...kak ziana...u make me look prettier than before...i never knew i can be as pretty as that after the make over...huhuhuh...and the happiest person is my mom when everyone told her that i look like her when she's young...hahhaahha...great...at least i'm not the one who is happy to be praised and i knew my future face 30 years from now....well...it wont be complete for this post if there's no pictures...a review with pics is more interesting right...huhhuhuh...before that...all the pics is taken by opie...one of my relatives...feel free to get his phone number from me if wanna use him as your photographer...huhuhuh....

first thing first...this is me on my engagement day...i just luv myself for being in love and to be loved by my beloved...:)

(picture captured by soleh...edited by my fiance...)

(pelamin anganku....huhuhuhuh....)

(hantaran untuk pihak lelaki 1: sejadah)

(hantaran untuk pihak lelaki 2: chocs n sweets...)

(hantaran untuk pihak lelaki 3: towel...)

(hantaran untuk pihak lelaki 4: samping...)

(hantaran untuk pihak lelaki 5: fruits...)

(hantaran untuk pihak lelaki 6: baju persalinan untuk mlm nikah...)

(hantaran untuk pihak lelaki 7: sireh junjung...)

(rombongan pihak lelaki)

(me and cik maria..penggubah hantaran utk both sides...)

(goodies bag untuk rombongan pihak lelaki)

(a short moment...saat disarungkn cincin oleh wakil rombongan...kak iza @ my fiance's sis...)

(gmbr bersame mama n rombongan pihak lelaki)

(me, kak chik, my future mother-in-law, kak iza n my beloved...)

(sian my dear...nk dok sebelah mama xbg..sbb mama ckp blm byr...hahahaha...)

(me with my grandparent n my dear...syukur sgt atok ngn nenek msih ade untuk saat2 indah camni...smoge atok ngn nenek sht n panjang umo...)

(me with my dearest younger sis...yah...still available..huhuhuh...ade rezeki time ko aku sponsor lak yek...heheheh...)

(me with my eldest sis n her sons...baby muhammad n aizad...aiman is not in the pic..he's not in the mood at that moment...her husband is not there too...dont have the chance to get back from turkmenistan....my sis ni la y sponsor mak andam...heheheh..thx sis...)

(gambar kenangan selepas bertunang...luv u syg...)

(hantaran untuk pihak perempuan 1: choc marshmallow cake...)

(hantaran untuk pihak perempuan 2: telekung...)

(hantaran untuk pihak perempuan 3: baju persalinan untuk mlm nikah...)

(hantaran untuk pihak perempuan 4: cincin pertunangan...)

(hantaran untuk pihak perempuan 5: sireh junjung...)

(me with my beloved mama n papa...thx for everything both of u...i'm too proud to b ur daughter...)

(my happy family...not in the pic are aiman...by 1st bro-in-law..my 2nd sis n her husband)

(gmbr bersame member2...my fiance's friends actually..tp sume da jdk my fren...eheheheh...thanks guys for coming....)

(gmbr bersame tersayang sebelum rombongan lelaki berangkat pulang)

hmmm..rasenye cukupla smpai di sini post sempena mjlis pertunangan yang lepas..hopefully kawen nnt dpt wt lagi grand....heheheheh...kt bwh ni few outdoor pics untuk tontonan umum...gmbr len da dipost kt facebook....pape pn...doakan kebahagiaan kami berdua...xoxo....

my life story after 10.10.10

salam to everyone...

i'm back!!!!...huhuhuh...after few weeks....here i am to write about me, myself and everyone that surrounds me....its friday today...no mood of working...just thinking of the weekends..but this weekend wont be as exciting as last week....no more karaoke..no more movies and no nothing for this weekend and so on....new life with new environment...i had to change my lifestyle and the important part is...i cant meet my dearest fiance everyday right after we get engaged....quite a weird feeling huh...before our engagement...we meet everyday...but not after we get engaged...i had to move out from shah alam and stay at my aunt house...2 reasons of moving out...1st...my aunt is going to mecca for haj....i had to take care of her daughter n 2 cats which i never touch before since that i dont like cats...i had to handle all her house matters....2nd...i moved out bcoz of the house rent at shah alam...from rm120-rm130...excluding the bill...all over will be around rm150...i wont mind if i really use all the facilities in that house...but the thing is...nope..i dont use the things coz i'm too bz with my things...i just use that house as a place to put all my stuff..sleep from 12am-6am...n take a bath before going to work...so...moving out is the best solution to avoid from wasting my money paying for nothing...wanna look for a cheaper house and move in by early of next year....by june...i will be staying with my husband i think...huhuhuh...hopefully i'll get use to all these things sooner or later...it's good actually...save a lot of money...and make me miss him more than before...we seldom meet..therefore...seldom quarrel...less talk doesnt mean less luv between me and him...maybe this is the time for us to be more matured and change ourselves... create the best life before we get married...god knows which is right for us...

a review of my engagement day on 10.10.10.....wait for my next post...huhuhuh..just wanna say...i miss my dear a lot...but i'm happy with everything right now...it is so fine for me staying with my grandma...at least i can take care of her...i can accompany my cousin as a way of paying my aunt kindness since that she always give me money...and i can learn to be a better person for my future husband...no more asking for this and that from him...no fighting and we still luv each other no matter how far we go apart...may god bless our relationship...xoxo....

my ex-love story....011010....

what a nice binary number....i juz luv the numbers...if people asked me...what is the first thing that i think of when i wake up early in the morning...my answer will b the date...the date reminds me of the event..the people who i had loved before...the people that i'm still loving till this moment...and everything that surrounds me...there are too many things that lie behind the date...which i wont forget unless in it necessary to be forgettable...

5 years ago...this date was really a big day for me...i had create my first love story...between me n my ex....this post doesn't meant to hurt my current bf...just to share with everyone...the happy moment of love....i met this one guy since i'm in form 3...we took about 3 years to know each other...he's good...he's nice...i wont couple with someone sucks...but everything's written by god...he's not my destiny...we just cant move on together...few problems occur which was created by me...i'm the bad girl...and he is just fine with everything....but well...god bless me and n him...we broke up....i found a guy...which suits me better....i bury our love story...and here i am....writing this blog with loves up in the air...while him???he is still alive...with a better life....and i just wish that he will be a betterman for a bettergirl...he's my first love...but not my last...so many sad n happy moment between us...n today reminds me of him....the day he proposed to me to be his couple over the phone...gosh...is it a puppy love???huhuhuh...dunno...but that moment really sweet...i'm dying in love with him....i'm still dying right now...loving someone else....we cant erase our memories of someone else...what we can do is just let the memories fly with the day passing....and go on with the life that we are going through....

to my dearest current bf....i'm counting the days....to change my status...to b ur fiance...let by gone be by gone...i just cant luv anyone else...if he's the 'x'...u are my 'y'....bcoz y comes after x...n 'x' can be a cross which means NO....i'm not going to luv the 'x' but just u the 'y'...10 more days...we will create a new bond between us...make a stronger relationship....with full of loves...and just wanna say thanks for everything u had done...u make me smile...u make me angry...but i just cant stop from loving u...u r the bad guy...u r my angel...u r my everything...just pray that our relationship last forever till eternity...xoxo....

Ape ade pade nombor.....

which is better? a lie that draws a smile.... or the truth that draws the tears.... i choose the truth...coz i want people to understand the tears that i had wasted for one whole night yesterday.....

what lies in numbers??the date...the amount...the quantity...every single number is important for me...even the numbers on the coins is big shit worthy to me....so when people asked me...whats there in number...i can say that...the number that i had chosen for the important event of my life is just worthy as the money that i cant bear to make it go away as it like...we planned...we can choose whatever the path of our life...and we had the right to make our life wonderful with the numbers n colors.. i can choose my own dress color for every event...n i had my own desire to get the best number for everything that i want it to be....

15k....anyone who had been in luv with me would knew how i really like this damn number...it's my price...so what...take it or leave it...it's my pride...and it's ur cost to get me...but not this price that we are arguing of...its about the damn fucking date that i had chosen since he bought me the ring...3 types of human being that i am very dislike to be born on the earth which are:
- people who like to show off with the things that is very affordable to me...as if i cant buy it...i just dont like it and dont wanna waste my money to buy it..not because i can afford it...
- people who like to underestimate other people...saying like u are the best...talking like i'm the ass and u are the asshole...looking for someone else imperfectness....gosh...go to heaven if u think u are damn good...good luck coz i dont think u are perfect enough to even smell the sweetness of that place...
-the third type of person that i wish i can make this person vanish from my sight is the one who shout out at my face while i'm very politely speaking without any high pitch of my voice....god...i feel like making that person mute at that time...dont shout at me when i'm still cool...dont make me angry when we can still explain things to each other and get a solution for a damn small matter...

101010....girls and dude who had read my post previously...some of u are still wondering what the date meant...and now i will just expose it...it is MY PLAN n MY OWN desire....not anyone else....i want the date to be the day i am engaged...it's my big day...so what...and here is the prob...i had to change the date which is just 3 weeks to go...why???coz HE said...i'm not the one who's traveling...i am just the characterless girl who waits at home to be engaged...and this really explode my anger...HELLL-OOOO....it's my day...u can respect ur family but please respect my decision too coz i really want that fucking date as what i'm concern...i had my own family who need to be respected too...this engagement is a 2 family matters...if u cant even take care of this tiny desire of my heart...how do u think u wanna fulfill the dozens of hearts after this??

actually...i'm not that really stone-hearted girl as other people think that i am to be...i can be kind...i can follow as what u want...but with a nice and polite talk...not with that kind of throwing ur tantrum over a thing which is not yet decided by me...i need my space...give me some time...it's my day n i can do whatever i want...u can speak nicely and it is not impossible for me to change the date as what u want...but please dear...u did not do as the way i want it to be...thanks for everything...

for what u may know...i had called my mom...u can discussed it with papa later coz i'm not going to change it...i want that fucking damn date coz u really had hurt my feeling..i can change it but in my own way...but since u choose the 'shout out' kind of discussion...fine with me...i will stick to that date no matter what happen....take it or leave it...and this is the end of OUR discussion...since u didnt give me any space for explanation..here i am...my blog is the only solution...u wont talk..i wont speak any single words regarding this...it ends here...

p/s: my dream guy is a guy who can speak nicely to me...who know how to make me smile while i'm crying....but that is just a dream of my dream....bukan kate nak pujuk...nak say sorry pun susah...mampu ke kite bertahan?god please answer me...am i ready for all this?~~~~

happy eid.....

Dari Jauh Kupohon Maaf
Dalam dingin subuh hatiku terusik
Kenang nasib diri di rantauan
Bergema takbir raya menitis air mata
Terbayang suasana permai desa

Rindu hati ini inginku kembali
Pada ayah bonda dan saudara
Tetapi aku harus mencari rezeki
Membela nasib kita bersama
Hanya ku sampaikan doa dan kiriman tulus ikhlas
Dari jauh kupohonkan ampun maaf
Jangan sedih pagi ini tak dapat kita bersama
Meraikan aidil fitri yang mulia

Restu ayah bonda kuharap selalu
Hingga aku pulang kepadamu
Restu ayah bonda kuharap selalu
Demi anakmu yang kini jauh

08-09-10....once in a lifetime...sayu rase hari ni...bukan sebab tarikh yang indah...tapi sebab terkenang orang yang tersayang...untuk tatapan mama, papa, akak2 n adik2 ku sekalian....tak lupe jugak pade si die yang tersayang...atok...nenek....sedare mare...syukur alhamdulillah...tiade yang kurang tahun ni....semua yang disayangi masih sentiase di sisi...orang yang terdekat tiade yang pergi....yang lame tiade kembali...buat arwah sepupu...Hamzah...dan orang2 yang telah tiade...smoge ditempatkan bersame orang2 yang beriman....

hari ni aku still bekerja...carik rezeki yang tak seberape...untuk tampung idup lepas raye...nanti takut lepas raye xmakan pulak...so aku kuatkan semangat...pergi keje...pagi yang redup...bertuah rasenye dapat berjumpe yang tersayang sebelum pulang berhari raye...aku drive sambil menangis dengar lagu2 raye di pagi hari...syahdu sangat...teringat dose2 pade mama..papa...adk beradik...sedare mare...si die yang tercinte...sebut pasal si die...si die dah pun selamat tibe di kampung...aku masih mengadap komputer di ofis...menulis ape yang terbuku di hati...terima kasih sayang sudi jumpe i pagi td...maaf zahir batin atas segale kesalahan yang pernah i wt...i menanti kehadiran u bersame keluarge pd raye ke-2...semoge u slmt sampai ke rumah i seperti yang dirancang....akan sntiase merindui u...

rase janggal sangat beraye tahun ni...tak pernah seumo idup aku blk lagi sehari nk raye...selalunye akula manusia yang balik paling awal untuk sambut raye..tolong mama wt kuih..sempatla shopping ape yang patut...tp taun ni...sume xseindah dulu...baju pun syukur mama da belikan...da upahkan...thanks mama...wlopun baju same ngn adk aku...hehehehe..xpela...asalkn ade bju rye..kasut rye...pkai yang sedia ade jela..handbag pn sme...xde yang baru...kewangan x mengizinkan...nasibla ade jual kuih...untung ckt2 dpt gk aku bg ank2 buah n adik2 aku wet rye nanti...mama papa??hopefully ckupla nk bg...klo hrpkan gji...dpt trus abis..byr kete..sewe uma...utang piutang...licin terus.....banyak sgt bende yang nk dipikirkan...ape2 pun...aku akn berfikiran positif dan sentiase maju kehadapan...no turning back...

jap lagi tepat kol 5.30 aku akn punch out n bergegas g uma akk aku kat ampang...tgh dalam dilema..nk lalu kesas ke federal...dahla ujan lebat...kompem gerenti jam...buke dlm ketela jwbnye...dapat nasi goreng chiang mai ni sedap gk...dr pagi td akk aku ckp nk blikn nasi goreng chiang mai kt klcc trus ngidam smpai sekarang...dok terbayang cili padi n smbl belacan yang akn ku kunyah seperti keropok nachos...nyum2...pagi td dhla xshur...nsibla mlm td smpat lpk mcD dgn yang tersyg...mkn nugget...konon bwk blk fries nk shur..hampeh..xsdr smpai pg...gelabah bgn kemas brg...riso gk ni..byk sgt brg y nk bwk blk...pnuh myvi aku sumbat brg...tatawla muat ke x kete akk aku tu...mst kne bebel...huhuuh...sory k.ina...rse mazda tu besa...so muat2kan la ek...sume brg tu pnting...kuih aunty bibah...barang hantaran tunang..termsuk bkul2 skli...jadik sardinla sume org...heheheheh...pape pn sbg tebusan..noi akn drive secare berhemat di jalan raye mlm kang...

bile tulis blog ni rase makin x sbr lak nk blk jb...nk berkumpul satu keluarge...rindu sgt...rindu sume org...taun ni still xckup ahli keluarge aku...yang sorang dh dipetik orang...beraye uma mertua...abg ipar satu lagi plk jauh di perantauan...tp taun ni ade orang baru...ank akk aku...baby muhamad...muhamad...sory yek...smlm cik noi da crk da bju melayu utk baby muhamad tp xde saiz..sume besa....sian baby muhamad xde bju melayu...xpe k..taun dpn da besa cik noi blikn...hope taun depan ade lagi orang bru untuk sambut rye bersame...ehem2...taun dpn rse cm dah dipetik orangla...heheheheh.....pape pn..rye pertame tetap di jb...syarat sebelum nikah...hehehehe...sory yek syg...adk beradik i xrmai...5 org jek...adk bradik u ade 11...sian mama papa klo i xde time rye pertame...raye ke 2 bru blk uma sayang...heheheh...konpiden jek aku nih..xpela..ade jodoh x kemane...klo tuhan da tulis jodoh aku untuk si die taun depan..dapatla raye dengan orang bru..smoge akk2 aku dapat zuriat lagi..ramai ckt ank buah...lagi meriah...semuanye takdir tuhan...kite hanye merancang...

seronok rase tengok kawan2 yang da berumahtangge...sekelip mate dr bujang jadi suami..isteri...or tunangan orang...status berubah utk raye tahun ni...semoge semua berbahagie hendaknye...ade yang da mengandung...taun dpn kompem bykla panggilan aunty yang aku akn dpt...family aku xbyk beze..orang baru pn xrmai...plan hari raye pn xbyk...cm biase...pagi raye blk uma nenek yang sekentut jek jauhnye...then lepak uma nenek satu hari smpai mlm...tp rye ke-2 tahun ni ade kehadiran yang di nanti...hope sume berjln lancar...dapat menjalin ikatan ukhwah antare keluarge..dpt mngenali sesame kite...smoge masing2 dapat menerime antare satu same lain...

raye ke-4...blk kl...rye ke-5...back to work...hmmmm...sumenye cm ade jadual siaran...tertakluk pade terma dan syarat...huhuhuh...xkshla ek...yang penting...aku nk blk rye mlm ni and selamat tibe di rumah...dpt rye dgn fmily tercinte da ckp bermkne dan bererti untk ingatan sepanjang tahun ni....nothing more to say...di kesempatan ni...nk ucapkan selamat hari raye maaf zahir batin kepade sume ahli keluarge...kekasih yang tercinte...sahabat handai...and xlupe gk pade kete ku yang tersyg...~vi~...sory syg..mama kne tgglkn vi...ari senin nnt mama amk vi k...ingt taun ni dpt rye ngn vi...xde jodohla syg...

and last but not least...buat tatapan sume...da lme xpost gambar bertudung...hehehheeh...ni gambar raye taun bile pn xingt da...2 taun lepas rasenye...klo ade slh silap mintak diampunkan..sape2 yang nk bg wet rye dialu2kan sbb saye lom kawen...heheheheh...xoxo...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

it's friday....

da menjadi kebiasaan..asal hari jumaat jek pikir rumah...asal jumaat jek pikir rumah..da tak pikir benda lain...sejak aku msuk asrama mase form 1...kamis malam da packing barang nak balik rumah tak kirela minggu tu minggu dibenarkan balik ke tak...yang penting aku tetap nak balik rumah...padahal mase tu rumah belakang sekolah jek pun..bile aku pikir2 balik..ade ape dengan rumah?entah ek...rumah aku nak kate besa...besa la gak..klo kecik2 men sembunyi2 ngn yah mesti aku nangis sebab xkan jumpe die...hahahaha...tp xknla sebab uma besa aku suke sgt blk uma...hmmm...maybe sebab ade mama ngn papa...tp xjugak...kadang2 aku blk papa kua bwk teksi...mama g mesyuarat umno..aku tinggal sorang pn aku happy gak...pelik tol...mase form 3 aku taw aku suke blk uma kenape..sebab ade mawi kt dalam af...wajib tengok..so tu satu good reason la untuk aku syg rumah aku...tp sekarang..rumah sewa aku pun ade astro...xheran pun...so can someone explain to me...why i luv my home sweet home that much?susah nk jwb..aku rse sume org pn sme kot...spe xsyg rumah die da ley bakar da rumah tu...huhuhuh...

petang ni blk keje...my dear amik...then anta kuih kt uma encik pastu g buke kat mne2..right after buke gerak blk ke rumah..not my rumah...but my dear pny kampung...kan bes klo dapat blk uma sendiri...kat jb besh..ade giant..ade jusco...ade tesco...ade bowling...wlopun kt sini pn ade...tp stil xsame..hmmm..pelik tp benar...

senanye ape aku nak cakap ek...huhuhuh...da xde bnd nk wt men tulis jela pape yang aku rse nk tulis..iyela tuh xde bnd nk wt..byk jek kje...cume mim alip lam sin...lantakla...name pn jumaat...ilek suda..pas lunch ade gotong royong..besh nih gotong royong sambil goyang kaki...apela sgt y nk dibersihkan kt opis aku nih...cleaner da ade...sj jek kot bos aku tu bg can lepak..die tgk sume muke cam taik sebab kne keje pd ari y xsptutnye...ikutkn ati aku pn mls nk keje..rmai jek y amk mc..td aku dtg awl tryla ronda2 kt area cni..kot ade klinik y jual mc...hmmm..hmpeh..bek sgtla plk sume mnusie kt klinik tu xnk jual mc...so klo spe2 ley gtaw mne ade jual mc kasi roger k...huhuhuh...

hah...di kesempatan ni aku nak mengucapkan jutaan lemon terima kasih to all my sis...akk ampang...akk ptd...n adk gambang...andalah kekuatan kewangan sy...tanpe korang aku xkn mampu berdiri dengan tegak di samping bf ku y semakin kurang tegaknye disebabkan moral down to the ground...dr segi moral value...i've learn something...there's no one else who is much more closer to u...other than the one who share the same blood with u...xkirela betape kuat mne pn chemistry aku dgn my dear..but the truth is still the truth...no one can understand me better than my family...sorry my dear..u are no 2..huhuhuh...

to my sis in ampang...u are the wealthiest...smpai kne penalty ngn lhdn sbb wrong declaration..byk sgtla tuh...huuhuhu...wanna say thank you so muc...even though u always use the sentence ' ko da byk tolong aku'...hmmm...still rse nilai pertolongan dgn wet lain value die...i help in different way which is not related to money...but whatever it is..thanks a lot...i'll luv ur kids much more...hahahaha...to my ptd n gambang sis...thanks gak coz bersusah payah promo kuih rye kite untuk bantu mslh kewangan y tak putus2 melande...hmmm..nthla...apela nasib kite...

~~tibe2 sedey...baru pas call mama...sedey cite masalah sndri...tatawla mama dgr ke x aku ngs...suare mama pn cm sebak bile aku ckp something psl tunang...hmmm...mama nak offer wet...tp aku bkn stress psl wet pn..stkt nk mkn wet y akk aku bg ade ag...nth ek..stress psl ape?psl nk tunang???psl bf aku ilang gaji???arghhh...stress melande....da xmmpu nk berpikir secare rasional...jap g nak call mama ag...byk lagi y nk diluahkan...and mama mcm taw jek aku bru pas gdo ngn bf aku...bkn gdo...dingin...ble da stress...sume xkne...ckp nk tggi suare...ble tertinggi pitching ckt mulela hangin satu badan...sumenye uncontrolable...mgkin mama da byk pengalaman...die taw sume ni...aku xcte pn die da ley agk..thanks mama coz memahami...n sorry wlopn taun ni noi da start tp noi still xley bg wet rye kt mama...slp2 mama stil bg wet rye kt noi...alamak..ternangis suda..kang ade y da opis aku pelik...syyyyyyyyyy....stop crying...hush hush...

dhla...senanye nasib aku xdela malang mane pn...mungkin da biase dilimpahi kesenangan dan kemudahan...bile da idup sndri..belajar berdikari...mcm2 dugaan dan cabaran...tatawla aku da bersedie ke tak nak tunang or kwen...idup stil blom stabil...aku blm mmpu biasekn dri...dlu time bljr ade biasswa...xckp mama papa bg ag...bile skrg...xkn nk mntk ag...hmmmm....nthla...semoge sgalenye akn kembali normal...to my dear...i dh cube sdaye upaya mmhmi u...tp i ade thp kesabaran y rendah...plz treat me as before...as if we never had any problem..as if the money is still there...stop ur frustration...get back ur strength n come back to me as a stronger guy...i wont ask for more...juz wanna get my 'real' bf back...

tears is coming...should be better if i stop right here...hope the rain will stop...n giv a shine to make me smile as before...to bring back the happiness between us...and to make me really positive to get engage...i'm sorry my dear..it's not bcoz i dont want u...i just dont wanna get engage to a sad guy like what u are right now...change urself...make me smile...coz i really miss it damn much...

xoxo....

" u x rase ape i rase...u x tanggung ape i kendong..."

is there anything wrong with the sentence up there? nope...there is no problem at all...it can be said by anyone at anytime...but i wonder...how could this sentence make my tears flow like the rain...make me feel very dark in the heart as if the light of the trust for me to him had dissappear...

sometimes i'm wondering...why should we cry for someone else when we cant even cry for ourself...i'm not an always lucky girl....there's ups and down in my whole life...i had a time when i feel there's no one for me...i had a time when my purse left nothing accept the coins...i also had the time when i get a second last place in my class...i cried when i quarrel with my siblings...these are all the sad time of me for the whole 22 years...forget about all the downs and heartbroken things in relationship...i believe in one thing which is...i'm not alone...

in a relationship...luv is not a luv until u can really understand your partner's feelings...it is not a luv if u cant share the joy and tears...it is not a luv if u dont have any trust...and it is not a luv if u are not strong enough to luv yourself for the one u luv...

gosh...i'm still crying...i'm not the one who lost the money...then why should i cry?it's not my problem at all...it's not my money...it has nothing to do with me...but the tears just wont stop coz i can feel what u feel..." u x rse ape i rse..."..is it true?fine...if u really say that then i cant say anything...maybe i'm not supportive enough...i'm not useful enough to be by your side...and i'm just not a good girlfriend cause i didnt cry with u when u are crying...wanna know why? cause i dont wanna show the pain of u in me...we are together in everything...i didnt cry in front of u cause i cry for u when u cant see me...so that when i'm right in front of u...u can just see the smile without tears...to make u happy and forget the stress we both have...

i'm wondering...isnt a guy should be stronger in everything?The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. i want u to be strong...in every single thing..no matter what happen we will be together...but i just hate it when u say i dont get what u feel...it will be more pain to me to see u standing like a jelly bean...with the shining eyes of tears...with a wrinkles of pain on your forehead...and a smile that is really not meant to be called a smile...i'm crying too...i'm crying out loud...but u just cant hear it...cause the cry is not for u...the cry wont make u feel better...but the cry in my heart shows that i really feel what is there inside ur heart...

to my dearest...
i wrote this coz u really hurt me the moment u send the msg...i know there's nothing that i can do to help u...i cant cure ur pain...i cant get back the money for u...but i'm still here as ur girlfriend and i just want a strong guy to be my future partner for the rest of my life...to cope with anything that happens in the upcoming event of our life...hope u will be a stronger guy...u will get back to your normal life...get back to your work as usual...i know the money cost a month of your sweat...but god is trying...to giv us a better life with a lil bit of bitter moment....

'When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. '...

xoxo...~~